morning at kfc

Annika was stable through the night. As stable as a kid with 12 bags of various meds and fluids running simultaneously (plus 2 syringe pumps of something) and a completley open abdominal incision can be, anyway.

She's up to 24 units of blood in the past 36 hours since she went back to the OR (plus 2 liters of plasma--FFP--just since returning to the PICU). So, again, many thanks to those of you who have scheduled an appointment to give blood. Not that Annika is single-handedly depleting the nation's supply of blood, but it makes me feel better to know that there is some balance being restored in some way. Jörg is planning to donate today at the hospital, although he keeps having to explain that he's not giving blood for Annika to use (neither of us is ABO-compatible: recessive genes in da house), but just to give.

She's still on dopamine to keep her blood pressure up, but they might try to get her off that today. She's also on insulin because her blood sugar is sky high, but that might be because of the high-powered steroids she's on. She's also on lasix to try to help keep her from swelling up too much, but she's barely peeing anyway. That might be because she's losing so much fluid through the three JP drains inserted into her abdomen to drain the area where the surgeons were mucking about. And she's also on...oh, geez. I can't go on listing. Let's just say she's on a lot of shit (pardon, I should have said, "a lot of good and expensive shit").

(Sorry, Mom. But if you can't go at least PG with the language at a time like this, you're just asking for a breakdown.)

When I came back in this morning, she had been put under warming lights because she was having trouble keeping her body temp up. They really do look exactly like the lights you used to always see keeping huge batches of fried chicken warm at KFC.

So now we wait to see how things go today. One of the JP drains appears to be clotted off again, so we're hoping that won't lead to another large hematoma. The dressing will probably have to be changed, since she's leaking (eep!) blood out of one side. *

The PICU is not for the squeamish.

* This reminds me how I fixated, once again, on Dr. Superina's blood-splattered clogs when he came to talk to us after the transplant. There we were talking about how she now has two connections to her inferior vena cava because her own small one wasn't large enough to hook up with the donor's ** and how her portal vein is now just wonderful ("like a hose!") and on and on, while I'm trying not to stare at his shoes. The talk was distant and theoretical, but those shoes were right there screaming "blood and guts!"

I couldn't help wondering if I was looking at Annika's blood on someone's shoes. And then feeling ridiculous and weak. Such a small thing.

** And this reminds me of the donor, never far from our thoughts. Is today the funeral? Was it yesterday? Are they mentioning that he or she was a donor? Do they know already that he or she gave a little girl a chance to go back to school? To walk on her own legs again? To live without fear of falling into a coma? Just...to live?

Comments

If you need me to dig through the laundry cart for some soft towels, I will. Praying for Annika.

[paige]

Stable is good, better than good actually. How are you after a night of rest. I hope you were able to sleep and that Joerg is now doing the same.

Thanks for the update. Thinking of you and your sweet little chicken.

[bloomingmom]

thinking of you and your lovely daughter this morning....
sending my best thoughts.

[Hannah]

Glad to read the night was stable (relatively, that is).

Still, the PICU sounds so hard. I've spent two weeks sitting next to my father in an ICU this summer, but a Pedriatic Unit and to watch your daughter hooked up must be so very, very much harder.

The family of Annika's donor has been in my thoughts a lot these past 48 hours. I hope the thought that through their decision another child (possibly several other children) gets the chance to live might in some strange way be of comfort, even in a situation where any comfort might be impossible.

[Amy]

Warming lights sound comfy and cozy. Glad to hear that things are going well. Did you sleep?

Peace to the donor family. While I would donate my children's organs in a second, I can't imagine a more devastating form to have to sign.

You forgot to mention that down the road the new liver will give Anni the chance to complain bitterly over the new scar and how it detracts from her bikini-clad, teen-aged figure! I can't wait for that blog post!

[Tanya]

Oh, so glad to hear that the night was relatively uneventful - and you seem a lot more refreshed. I'm so glad for you all, and still hoping things just get better and better.

I truly believe that if the donor's family could read your story, they would be so proud of the gift their loved one has been able to give.

[Sarah]

Always thinking of you guys. I am going to life source today, hopefully they will take a walk in since the one by me doesn't ever look busy, if not I am scheduling an appointment.

[Lauren]

Still here, still praying. Moreena, please let me know if you need anything!
Love, Lauren

[Deb]

We'll give blood, too.

[Keri (Auburn Gal Always)]

One step at a time. That's how she will get through this. She's a VERY strong little girl and God is with her, giving her strength. He's with you and giving you courage and peace. He's with the doctors and nurses, giving them wisdom and skill and confidence.

Prayers, hugs, love.

[Kyla]

Stable. Stable. Very good. Very good.

[ppb]

Stable is good.

I hope things continue to improve. I also hope Joerg is getting some sleep now.

And I hope the donor family gets at least a modicum of peace in knowing that the gift is so appreciated.

[bobby]

Wow. You paint quite a picture with words here. NO parent should ever have to stare at a surgeons shoes wondering if it's their baby's blood down there. Now if her blood will just stay IN there where we want it to stay...Praying extra hard here in the mile high City, love Bobby and Sharon

[Mary O.]

I whsh peace and comfort to your family and the donor family. I again, as I do often, thank God for Dr. Superina. His hands are truely touched by God.
My prayers to all.

[Academic]

Continuing in prayer.

[S.]

Keeping your family and the donor's in my thoughts and prayers.

[liz]

Everyone already said it, better than I.

[Kathryn]

So glad of an update...Stable is good...hang on in there, Annika.
We're all praying for you here, and for the donor's family too.
Much love and many blessings

[kiersten from book club]

continued thanks for the updates; you are all still in our prayers and thoughts

[elle]

It's funny the things we see in those moments... the shoes... So glad it was a stable night. We called those lights the "french fry lights!" I think the donor family will know the gift they have given. I'm sure that kind thoughts and prayers will find them and they will just know.
xo

[Ginny]

Stable is so, so good... She's a tough cookie, that girl of yours.

I am also thinking of the donor family, praying for them. I think, somewhere deep down, they know that somebody somewhere is getting a second (3rd) chance at life because of their child. That knowledge will comfort them someday.

[Sheryl]

Still praying...

[kathy a.]

glad anni is stable; and hope that things start settling down a little. xoxoxo

[Lisa V]

Thank you for updating. Thinking of the donor family too.

[Phantom Scribbler]

So glad to hear the update, and hoping that the donor's family finds some small comfort in the tremendous gift they have given.